the man I manifested
The other day I heard a introspective question and it went something like, do you judge a relationship by the length or the lessons? What a great question, and for someone who hasn’t had a long term relationship last longer than two years I’ll have to go with the lessons… and that hit me right in the feels. The shortest and most impactful relationship of my life was only 6 months and the lessons I learned were so deeply transformative I had to make this blog post about it.
First I will tell you this, I manifested him. Yup! Swear to God. Don’t let the woo-woo override this beautiful story of love and loss. I did this manifestation challenge and as much as I love to manifest, I never thought I could manifest a person. I can manifest a free coffee or a winning lottery ticket, but the love of my life? I don’t think so…but I did… and I will do it again…
So how did I manifest this glorious man you ask? I wrote a list of every quality I wanted him to have and I used the male love interests from Sex in the City to do so. He had to be masculine and outdoorsy like Aiden. He had to be silly and playful like Steve. He needed to be as successful as Big. We needed to have the sexual compatibility as Smith and Samantha. If he looked like Smith I was okay with that too, so looks wise I asked for a surfer skater dude with long hair. Of course I went into much more detail than that but this isn’t a tell all blog post. I acted like I was already in this loving relationship. I fantasized about us surfing together and living by the beach. I thought about all the walks we would take in nature and all the memories we would make. Then unbeknownst to me I swiped right on the person I had been dreaming about.
On our first date we had dinner, he told me I could pick the whole menu if I wanted to. We ordered a variety of shared plates and we ate it all, the waiter was so enamoured with us we got free dessert…a trend that would happen throughout our time together. Everyone thought we were the cutest couple they had ever seen. When we first met I thought he lived in Canada but he was only visiting, he is originally from the States, and he lived a five minute walk from the ocean where he surfed. I have no idea how I got so confused but I think that was a part of the magic. I wouldn’t have met up with him if I knew this would be long distance, but alas the universe had other plans.
I thought he was the cutest thing, so charming with his southern accent and everything. When he asked me to stay over I didn’t stay the night. It’s not in my nature to hook up on a first date. I told him that I would meet him the next morning and we could spend the day discovering the city together and we did. Of course we had the best time. I learned that we loved the same obscure ideas, we talked about everything, our conversation never stopped. He was a breath of fresh air and I immediately had a crush. We shared a cab to the airport the next morning ;) and he dropped me off on the way. We knew we would see each other again.
A few weeks before I met my lover, my friend and I were in a thrift shop and I bought the most Carrie Bradshaw fur coat I had ever seen. It matched my hair to perfection and I knew that this was me calling in my Sex in the City fantasy. I couldn’t wait to start wearing it. At that time I was commuting from Toronto to Oakville to work at a tattoo shop and the construction on the highway was a nightmare. There was a specific weekend closure around Halloween, they were shutting down a piece of the highway, there was no way I was commuting that weekend. Luckily, I had a cancelation then I moved another appointment to another day. I had the weekend off! Which was such a rarity for me.
As the my manifestation queens know, when you make space for things miracles happen. I made space in my schedule and my southern lover had no idea, yet he asked me to meet him in New York City that same weekend, I couldn’t believe it. This was my Sex in the City fantasy coming to fruition. Cue the opening music! You know your girl brought that thirfted fur jacket and I wore the boots he had bought me on our second date. I was ready to explore the city with my manifestation. The weekend was perfection from the moment we locked eyes in the airport to the moment we walked away in the airport…everything was magical. The weather was perfect. The food was delicious. He bought me some killer outfits and I spoiled me rotten. I felt like an absolute princess. Our uber drivers couldn’t get enough of us and anyone who took our photo commented on how happy we looked. I was on cloud nine. I was in love.
A few weeks later I flew down to visit him and meet the important people in his life. I felt like I blended in right away and he said the same thing. It was so easy. I loved his kids and his job and his employees and his dogs and his life. I was like, when do I move in? But for him…that was never going to be a possibility. We travelled back and forth a few times and yet the future still looked hazy. I was afraid of bringing up the future, which is a clear sign that something isn’t working. Which is so classic Carrie and Big…why did I have to manifest Big qualities? He’s the worst!
One time I said to my southern lover that was the Blake Sheldon to my Gwen Stefani but his face did not support the sentiment. It was wild, how can two people be so good together but only one person see it? As much as he said he cared he couldn’t say he loved me until the day I was breaking it off with him.
We were two avoidants with intimacy issues. That’s why the long distance worked. But I needed more. I deserve more. He had been married in the past and burned by that union. I want to be married…forever…just like my parents. He had so many walls and I was tired of trying to break them down. Still I kept saying to myself how would a wife show up? How would someone who wants a long term relationship show up? I tried working on my avoidant tendencies by showing up as the future wife material I wanted to be. Before him I used to run away when things got difficult but when you’re in a long distance romance and you’re stuck in their house you kinda have to talk it out right then and there. Relationships really are one of the greatest teachers. They are a mirror showing us what we need to work on.
The lessons I learned from this brief but passionate relationship were essential to my growth as a partner. I read the book ‘Attached’ to learn more about my attachment style. There are three; avoidant (me), anxious, and secure. If you don’t know what yours is then I recommend looking into it. I would say that I am a recovering avoidant and more secure because of that relationship. It forced me to show up as the woman I want to be in a partnership. Even though I didn’t get it right all the time I became more aware of my tendencies to bail. I learned that men say exactly what they mean, you don’t have to read between the lines.
My favourite lesson is that I am so ready for real love. I learned that I am full of love! I LOVE LOVE!! I know that the next partnership I am in will be better than what came before and that thought alone makes me so happy. One of my favourite ideas is that everyday people are meeting the love of their life. Someone is falling in love at this exact moment. You could swipe right on a dating app and that stranger can shake up your world in the most magical of ways. Love is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I will continue to live in that frequency. Nothing is better than the feeling of being in love, nothing.
